The Beast Debut

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The Beast Debut

Post by Krash on Tue Jul 19, 2011 9:02 pm

Remember the Name - Fort Minor blasts throughout the arena.

A mysterious figure sprints down the ramp into the ring with very much excitement.

The anonymous figure asks for a microphone.

Joel:(Sniffs the air suspiciously) Hmm is that fresh air I smell because I think I have just entered ECW!!!!!!

Joel:My name is Joel LaMonica but you guys may call me The Beast.

Joel:I'm a new addition to this federation and I am ready to earn something that can be mine.

Joel:And that is...A title shot, but all do respect I will have to earn my spot like everybody else in this company.

Joel:If I am scheduled for a match tonight I will see you guys later but if I don't then I will see you next week.

Joel:Thank you everybody and goodnight.

Joel LaMonica walks backstage and what a debut from a young superstar.
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Re: The Beast Debut

Post by "Dangerous" Justin Payne on Wed Jul 20, 2011 10:35 am

Not bad, man. But, as a suggestion for the future, try adding actions in between the paragraphs/dialogue so then the helps the reader get a more clear image into your mind. And use description as to what the character looks like, and try using some crowd involvement, but make it seem very realistic, as for a crowd wouldn't really know or care for who's new in the business and they'd like to see them prove themselves and stuff.

Also, the formatting should go like this.


Action.
-
Wrestler 1: "I hate you."
-
Action.
-
Wrestler 2: "Let's fight."
-
Action.

The hyphens are supposed to be black, so then we can space everything out.

Nonetheless, I enjoyed the RP.

Added to the Show.
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Re: The Beast Debut

Post by Krash on Wed Jul 20, 2011 11:24 am

Ok. Thanks for the advice, man.
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